Sucker for a romantic quip
by dolly shoes
Summary: B/C oneshot. 'I can say whatever I want. What did it offend you or something? God I mean it's just three words. You're acting like I told you I just ran over Dorota.'


Disclaimer: yes, yes, I recognize the fact that I own nothing.

A/N: This fic was born out off revision-boredom, so don't blame me if it makes no sense. (: Enjoy...

'Hey S.'

'Good morning, B. Woah, did you realize there's a Bass in your bed?' Serena's eyes widened as she entered Blair's room and spotted none other than Chuck Bass sprawled beneath Blair's sheets. She looked round at Blair and gave her best friend an exasperated look. Blair simply rolled her eyes in reply and pulled the door shut behind her.

'No, I hadn't noticed Serena,' Blair's sarcasm only served to set Serena off.

'Blair I can't believe you!' she began to rant in a loud whisper, hoping not to awaken her sleeping stepbrother. She really didn't care about letting him get his beauty sleep; she just couldn't deal with him right now. 'You're sleeping with Chuck again? Why?' Serena gestured wildly to try and reinforce her point, as she could not raise her voice to a louder volume. 'Need I remind you what happened last time?'

Blair sauntered over to her bed where she took a seat on the opposite side of Chuck. She picked a grape of her breakfast tray, which sat on the nightstand and looked between the slumbering Bass and ranting Serena. 'S would you calm down,' Blair's tone, in contrast to Serena's frantic whispers, was of normal volume. 'I'm not sleeping with Chuck.'

'Then why, pray tell, is he in your bed?' Serena placed both her perfectly manicured hands on her curvy hips and cocked her head to one side.

'He got really drunk last night at the rehearsal dinner,' Blair explained, thinking back to yesterday's Van der Woodsen/Bass wedding dinner run-through, 'at the end of the night I let him come back here because I didn't want him going back alone to his suite to choke on his own puke.' She winced at the memory of Chuck retching on her Jimmy Choo's before she'd ushered him into his limo and told the driver to take them to her penthouse. The memory of the limo ride, however, made her smile. He'd laid his head on her lap and immediately fallen asleep while she stroked his hair tentatively. The moment had been heart-warming until she realized she had to wake him and get him up to her residence.

'Blair,' Serena raised her eyebrows, 'now I know you love taking care of people, you've got the whole mother-hen complex going on: I get it, but seriously? Chuck Bass? I thought you hated him and here you are tending to his drunken ass and letting him sleep in your bed? Come on, there must be more to the story than that, what aren't you telling me?'

Blair sighed and popped another grape into her mouth. 'He said something to me last night.'

'While drunk?' Serena dragged a pillow of the end of Blair's bed and placed it on the floor so she could sit comfortably opposite her best friend. Blair nodded. What did he say?'

'Well, you know Bart would throw a fit if he saw his best man drunk at this thing?' Serena nodded in conformation, Bad Bart would have killed Chuck for messing up last night. 'Yeah, so, for the safety of everyone in the room I took Chuck to the restrooms and made sure he was a safe distance from all alcohol-' she clearly recalled as they made their way to the bathroom, her practically dragging him across the room, he'd reached out for a champagne glass off a passing waiter's tray and lightning quick she'd slapped his hand and scolded him.

_'But mom,' he'd whined sarcastically as she continued to tug him towards the door. Blair had decided that Chuck was officially the most annoyingly adorable drunk ever._

'Anyway,' Blair continued, 'we were sat in the restrooms and he said...'

'Yeah...'

'He said he loved me,' Blair smiled and her cheeks flushed. Serena noticed the dreamy look in her friend's eyes and rolled her own. Blair always was a sucker for the romantic quip. 'And you know they say with wine comes truth. I'm not sure if he actually had any wine. He definitely had scotch though cause his breath? Reeked of the stuff. Can you believe it, S?' Blair squealed happily and jumped up slightly from her sitting position before crashing back down on the bed happily. Serena noticed that Chuck didn't even stir at the disturbance of the mattress. 'He loves me.'

'So? Everyone and their grandmothers know that Chuck's in love with you.' Serena shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 'You know what scratch that - everyone and their grandmothers and their grandmother's poodle's hairstylists knows that!'

'They do?' Blair cocked her head to one side.

'Duh. It's obvious.'

'Uh... no it's not.' Blair countered. She had been so surprised to hear it fall from his lips in a drunken slur, so ecstatic and now Serena wasn't saying she knew all along? Why didn't the blonde just tell her? The bitch…

'Why else is he so mean to you? I mean come on, he's at that seven-year-old boy with a crush stage, where they push the girl into the mud and pull her pigtails just to get her attention.'

'I would never wear pigtails,' Blair gave a look of absolute disgust before letting Serena continue.

'Don't you get it Blair? Chuck never went through that crush stage, he just uses women and throws them away before letting feelings develop,' Serena realized in horror how bad it would be if Chuck was secretly awake right now - like in the movies, and quickly peered over at him. His chest was rising and falling slowly, but Serena narrowed her eyes in distrust.

'What's wrong?' Blair looked at Chuck and then back to Serena in confusion.

'Is he asleep?' Serena asked in a suspicious tone.

Serena watched as Blair poked Chuck in the chest harshly, he made a grunting noise and swatted at air before letting his hand fall back and continuing his deep sleep. 'Yeah, he's asleep,' Blair nodded affirmation. 'He won't wake up even if a tornado passes over, don't worry. Dorota got upset earlier because she couldn't change the sheets and tried to wake him -nothing worked so I sent her shopping to stop her sulking.' Dorota had a compulsive order to clean everything in sight, and she certainly didn't like her routine being disturbed by a lazy boy in Miss Blair's bed. She had gone slightly OTT. _Slightly_ was probably an understatement. She was about to pour a bucket of ice water over Chuck when Blair had stopped her.

'Good. What was I saying again? Oh yeah. Chuck Bass is socially retarded.' Serena told her bluntly, causing Blair to laugh out loud. 'He doesn't know what to do with his feelings for you, so he's mean to you. You're his first crush. His girl he pushes in the mud. Except it's so much more.' That dreamy far-off look was back and Serena was slightly regretting her words, Blair and Chuck? Ew. Chuck was not good enough for Blair. But then again, was anyone? Not in Serena's eyes. And if he made Blair happy and Blair wanted to be with him, wasn't that enough? Plus, Chuck had slightly redeemed himself in Serena's eyes by being so supportive with the whole Georgina-issue. Still, Blair and Chuck? That was not a thought she could see herself getting used to. 'How do you feel about him?'

'I don't know.' Blair shrugged. All she knew was that after he said those three words to her, her anger at him had melted away, and now that Serena was explaining her weird pigtail-crush theory she was beginning to understand his jealous actions a lot more.

'Well, I better go, I was just stopping off on my way to Dan's.' Serena got up and pulled Blair into a light hug before casting a distasteful look at Chuck. 'Good luck with your hung-over lover.'

Blair giggled. 'Thanks. See ya later, S.'

'Bye B,' Serena called before shutting the door softly behind her.

Now alone with the sleeping Chuck, Blair turned back eagerly to her bed. She wanted him awake, _now_. But one look at his peaceful face made her rethink waking him. She'd been watching him sleep -however creepy stalker that sounded- for most of the morning. She loved seeing him so innocent and vulnerable between _her_ sheets. Who knew a sleeping devil could look like an angel? Torn between her kid-at-Christmas-eagerness to talk to him about her feelings and allowing him to sleep longer, Blair sighed miserably and decided she's let him snooze. _Yeah, right._ Blair leapt onto the bed with a giant smile and began poking Chuck in the ribs. 'Chuck! Chuck, wake up you big lump!' He let out a soft groan before turning over to his side and revealing his bare back to her- she'd dutifully stripped him down to his boxers last night- but did not pull himself from the land of nod. 'Chuck,' she whined. And then a light bulb went off in her head. 'Oh my god, Chuck! Nate's coming to pound you for sleeping with his ex!' she cried out, shaking his shoulder. When nothing happened she continued louder, 'Chuck! Bart found out you got drunk at his dinner rehearsal, he's coming to kill you!' Again, nothing happened.

Blair sighed this was harder than she thought. How could a person really sleep through _anything_? And how could he possibly sleep in this late? Blair had always been an early riser and usually got up the same time every morning because her body clock was so orientated to a specific routine. 'Chuck, if you don't wake up _right now_ I'm going to cut off something _very_ important to you.'

She sighed when this had no effect and reconsidered Dorota's plan of throwing ice-cold water over him. No, too mean, she decided before hopping of the bed to grab a shower.

Once she had dried and styled her hair, teasing every curl to perfection and then dressed, picking out her outfit carefully to make sure every item was in season and matched just right, Chuck still hadn't woken. Blair was starting to get annoyed. They were supposed to be talking things out. She was supposed to be taking care of his hangover while he told her how madly in love with her he was. She had to backtrack a second, this was Chuck Bass after all; she probably wasn't going to get an epic love confession though she was assured a pervy comment and a gloating smirk.

Okay so she had no idea how this was going to work. She didn't know what she was going to say, what _he_ was going to say. What if he denied his feelings and told her the Arabian story again? What if he spat she was a dirty whore and he wanted nothing to do with her? _Please_, I'm Blair Waldorf: everyone wants me, she assured herself.

She couldn't help but feel a tad nervous, and were those - no, they couldn't be: butterflies! Oh my god, Blair Waldorf had butterflies in her stomach!

Damn, she ran from the room, and the source of those tiny fluttering features to try and get her bearings.

'Calm yourself,' Blair told her reflection. She was stood in the hallway facing the grand mirror her mother had purchased in Italy. When she was sure she had a hold on herself, Blair ventured back into her room and wasn't surprised to see that Chuck was _still_ sleeping. 'Good Lord, you're so lazy,' she told his snoozing form before collapsing on the bed next to him.

She was painting her toenails a violent crimson color when the evil thought came to her: Chuck Bass was completely at her mercy. She could do whatever she wanted. She grinned wickedly and moved over to him. He was sprawled out on his back, head on one side, nose buried in her pillow. Lifting his arm carefully she laid his hand on her lap and began to paint his nails with the red whilst stifling giggles.

She was onto his second hand, the index finger, when he finally awoke. He made a soft sighing sound and shifted around, while Blair froze where she was: sat on his stomach, legs on either side of him and his hand held delicately held in one of hers. His eyes fluttered open and she watched as his gaze focused on her. 'Err...' she flushed suddenly, realizing how _bad_ this looked.

'What the...' he'd mumbled. 'Blair?' If it had been her who'd found a person sat on their stomach while they awoke from a deep slumber, she would have leaped out of bed with a shriek. He seemed all too calm for this to be his first time finding a woman on his lap after sleep. She scowled. _Son of a..._ 'Blair? What's going on?' He bought up his free hand to rub over his pale face and Blair cringed at seeing the polish on his nails. Maybe that hadn't been the best idea after all.

'Good morning,' she chirped in a choked voice whilst hiding the tiny bottle of crimson behind her back.

He groaned, 'my head.' He sat up disorientated and apparently forgetting about Blair: effectively causing their foreheads to collide in a painful _thud_. 'Fuck!'

'Ouch!' Blair clutched her head wincing as the pain pulsed angrily and caused her vision to double for a second. This was not the way things were supposed to be going. She was supposed to be seeing stars because of earth-shattering kisses _not_ because he had just crashed his head into hers. _Idiot!_

Chuck fell back to the bed, clutching his head and moaning in pain. 'What the fuck is going on, Blair?'

'Why the fuck did you just head butt me you idiot?' she cried out, stumbling off the bed and ditching the nail varnish on the night stand so she could turn to him angrily. 'Are you still drunk or just an absolute dumbass?'

'Well why were you giving me a lap dance anyway? I was asleep you know! A show's no good unless your customer's awake, Waldorf.' He spat whilst rubbing his sore forehead.

'Ugh, don't flatter yourself!' Blair flushed.

'Well why were you sitting on me anyway? Molesting me in my sleep much?'

'No!' Blair spluttered, color as violent as the nail polish climbing up her neck and cheeks. 'I was just... I was just... Waking you up.' She ended lamely.

'Well I won't say that's a bad way to go about it but less clothing would have been better,' he leered at her from the bed before looking around with a squint. 'Why am I in your room anyway?' He looked down at his bare chest and cocked an eyebrow at her. 'Did we…?' he motioned between her and the mattress with a smirk.

'What? No!' Blair cried. 'Ew gross, no! Not at all. Just.. no!'

'I think the lady doth protest too much,' he grinned smugly.

'No, Bass,' Blair calmed herself. This really wasn't going to plan. 'We did not. You were drunk and I didn't want you to die of alcohol poisoning in your suite so I bought you back here. You passed out on my bed and that's it!'

Chuck rubbed his jaw. 'Yet you still managed to get my clothes off.' He commented snidely before lifting the sheets to check how much he actually was wearing. Ah, he was still dressed in his boxers. Shame. He enjoyed the sight of a flustered Blair across the room before complaining about his hangover. 'Get me a painkiller, Waldorf. My head's about to split in two.'

'On the nightstand next to you.' He spotted the breakfast tray, complete with pills and a glass of water. She edged closer; as though cautious he might head butt her again. He dry-swallowed the pill and eyed the food distastefully; the mere sight was making his stomach turn.

'So... how much do you remember of last night?' Blair asked as she perched herself on the end of the bed.

'Not much. No matter, if I missed anything interesting I'll catch it on Gossip Girl.'

Blair rolled her eyes. He so didn't get it. Men: they were so dense. 'I mean about you... you know, while you were drunk. What you did...' Blair threw up her arms. 'Ugh, forget it. You men are hopeless, I may as well start batting for the other team.'

'Woah there, as much as the idea of Blair Waldorf the dyke interests me, could you slow down a second? Untwist your La Pearlas, B, and start again at the beginning.'

'I hope you know just how much you disgust me,' Blair commented.

Chuck reached out to stroke her arm, 'I hope you know how much waking up with you in my lap is a turn on. Not to mention the fact that we're in your bed,' he eyed the sheets with a smirk. Blair slapped his hand away and glowered at him.

'Get your mind out of the gutter for just a few minutes and focus, what do you remember of last night?'

'Just a few minutes? Oh Blair, I always knew you loved me just the way I am.' Blair's eyes lit up: getting warmer, she urged him in her mind.

_'Focus, Bass_: last night.'

Chuck sighed and collapsed back into the pillows. 'I dunno. Let's see; turned up, read speech, got pissed, got dragged into the toilets by - Aha!' he sat up again with a triumphant smile, 'that's what you're going on about. You dragged me to the toilets.'

'Yes, and?'

He shrugged with a blank look. 'I screwed you in a stall? That dress you wore _was_ making me horny.'

'No! _Come on_, Chuck. You have to remember.' She whined throwing her arms up and letting them flop back to the bed with a soft thud.

'Well I _don't_. May I remind _you_ I drank an obscene amount of alcohol last night? Look, _you_ obviously remember, why don't you just tell me?'

'No. That's not the point!' She practically growled in frustration. He was ruining everything! Why couldn't he just stick to the damn script she had in mind? This was so not how it was supposed to go. 'You have to remember Chuck!' She reached out and grasped his arm. 'Now, I want you to think as hard as you can. What did you say to me last night?'

Chuck sighed and rolled his head in exasperation. 'I don't know, Blair. Can't I just have a shower now?' He whined.

'No! You have to remember what you said first.' Blair demanded with a steely gaze.

'Hey- did you paint my nails?' Chuck retracted in disgust as he noticed the bright colors.

Blair's eyes widened and she spluttered, 'that is not the point, Chuck! Stay on task!'

'Ugh, Blair! Get it off!' He attempted to rub it with the flat of his thumb and Blair rolled her eyes heavenward at the ignorance of boys.

'That's not going to work you idiot. Here, I promise I will take off your nail polish - which by the way is so your color - if you remember what you told me last night.' She looked deep into his eyes as if willing him to read it off her mind.

'Look I was drunk -' he began.

'So you didn't mean it?' Chuck felt alarm bells ring as her eyes filled with tears and she, yet again, hopped of the bed. She didn't get very far as he grabbed her thin little wrist and yanked her back to the bed. She fell heavily into his lap. 'Chuck! Get off me!'

'Look wait, I can do this. I can remember. Just give me a minute.' He straightened up and thought as hard as he could. Through the foggy haze that was last night, he had memories of the glistening ballroom, Blair's cocktail dress, yes that little number really had made him horny, the taste of scotch and then... ah yes! The conversation in the bathroom…

_Sat side by side against the tiled wall, Chuck allowed his heavy head to fall onto Blair's bony shoulder. 'You smell good,' he'd slurred. He was having a hard time controlling his mouth, and random, jumbled up sentences were falling out clumsily._

_Blair's shoulder had jerked underneath him as she laughed. He loved her laugh. 'Thanks Chuck.'_

_'It's true.' He'd smiled dreamily and closed his eyes, inhaling the scent all over again: expensive shampoo, designer perfume, mints, and something just Blair. He fluttered his eyes as he tried to remain awake, but sleep seemed so welcoming right now. He buried his head further against her neck, her curtain of hair shielding him from the bright lights of the restroom. He could feel her tense beneath him as his breath crashed against her ear._

_Just as the comforting darkness was swallowing him up, his mouth did that thing again. That thing were it went off on it's own, slurring random crap without his consent. 'I love you.' He didn't have time to regret it as he slid off into sleep._

'I know!' He jolted beneath her. 'I said I love you. That's what I said!' He told her triumphantly. The smile slid away as it dawned on him. 'Woah, I said I love you!' he said in a completely different tone.

'Yes you did.' Blair crossed her arms as though she was the teacher and he was the naughty school child. 'Well? What do you have to say for yourself?' Please say it again! She was internally begging him, though on the outside she was cold and blank. She would wait for his reaction without showing any vulnerability. He shifted uncomfortably underneath her and she realized she was still on his lap.

Chuck was basically squirming. He had no idea what he was supposed to say. He knew what he had said was the truth, but was that what she wanted to hear? The way she was staring at him was making him uneasy. Usually he could read Blair Waldorf like an open book, but she was closing him down and leaving him hanging. What the hell was he supposed to say? 'Uh...' Was he supposed to apologize? Take it back? Completely ignore her and flee to the safety of her empty bathroom? Oh fuck it... 'Yeah and?' he shrugged nonchalantly. He was Chuck Bass; he could say whatever he wanted. 'So what?'

Blair looked at him in surprise. 'Did you mean it?' she asked breathlessly.

'God Blair, why would say it if I didn't mean it?' he spat at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 'Jeez. What's the big deal? I can say whatever I want. What did it offend you or something? God I mean it's just three words. You're acting like I told you I just ran over Dorota.' He rambled on, avoiding her gaze and making sure his expression was as poisonous as possible.

She watched him in a daze as he ranted wildly before silencing his lips with a kiss. When she pulled back he was smirking. 'Can you get the nail polish off now? I'm not your bitch.'

'Whatever you say, Chuck. Whatever you say.'


End file.
